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The Referees Alphabet
The A is for my authority
which many players seem to question,
thinking theyre somehow going to make me change my mind
B is for babies
which a lot of managers cry like
after a decision has not gone their way
C is for the continual criticism i recieve from the touchline
get back in your technical area!
D is for the dunderheads
who seem to think we have a conspiracy
against their particular team
E is for the eery silence that echoes around the ground
after I've booked the home teams player
and its obvious to everyone that he deserved it
F is the farce into which most games would descend if we werent there
The G is for the gnarled face of someone whos on £90,000 a week
and reckoned he should have had a throw in
H is for handball
which has to be intentional and very rarely is
if only people would study the rules more
I is for innocence, pleaded by many a doe-eyed defender
after theyve just scythed down that tricky winger
J is for ju-jitsu, which i quite intend to display given a dark alley
and some of the narky blerts ive encountered
K is for the kissing of the badge
how ridiculous that looks 6 months later when theyre at another club
L is for lip reading, at which you dont need to be an expert
to see how odious some people are
M is for the mistakes we sometimes make
surely a bit of controversy is part of the games appeal
The N, the N is for the numbskull who during the boxing day game
asks me what else i got for christmas besides my whistle
an afternoon with your wife mate
The O is for offside
which many forwards tell me they simply could not have been
The P is for the penalty shootout
great drama and no pressure on me
Q is the quiet word i sometimes need to have
with some of the more fiery participants
i usually choose the word 'pleat'
R is for running backwards
a difficult skill which the pundits never seem to appreciate
S is for the suggestion that i should have awarded a card of some sort
to a player whos just been awarded a free kick
sorry i got all that wrong the S again
okay the S, the S is the suggestion that i should show a card to an opponent
by a player whos been awarded a free kick
he himself is more in danger of getting one for that
T is for the 21 man brawl
whiuch is basically an embarrassing scene of pushing and shoving
U is for the umpire which i sometimes wish id been instead
you never hear a cricket crowd shouting whos the bastard in the hat
The V is for vitriol vilification vendetta and volley of verbal abuse
some good bird noises there by the way
W is for walter pidgeon
whos mr Griffiths in 'how green was my valley'
i may have started to sound like during this song
'where was the light i thought to see in your eye'
he says that to a young huw played by roddy McDowall
The X
The X represents the sarcastic kiss planted on my forehead by the swarthy potugese center half
who i just dismissed
The Y is for Yate
the kind of town referees come from
And the Z
Well the Z could be for Zidane, Zico, Zola, Zubizaretta, Zoff
Even Zondervan
but is in fact for the zest with which we approach our work
without this zest for the game we wouldnt become refs
and without refs, well zero
See also Zatopek, Zeus
and Zeal Monachorum
I have a caravan there
static naturally
Wouldnt it be fun if the gave the ref a gun
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Wouldnt it be fun if the gave the ref a gun
static naturally
I have a caravan there
and Zeal Monachorum
See also Zatopek, Zeus
and without refs, well zero
without this zest for the game we wouldnt become refs
but is in fact for the zest with which we approach our work
Even Zondervan
Well the Z could be for Zidane, Zico, Zola, Zubizaretta, Zoff
And the Z
the kind of town referees come from
The Y is for Yate
who i just dismissed
The X represents the sarcastic kiss planted on my forehead by the swarthy potugese center half
The X
he says that to a young huw played by roddy McDowall
'where was the light i thought to see in your eye'
i may have started to sound like during this song
whos mr Griffiths in 'how green was my valley'
W is for walter pidgeon
some good bird noises there by the way
The V is for vitriol vilification vendetta and volley of verbal abuse
you never hear a cricket crowd shouting whos the bastard in the hat
U is for the umpire which i sometimes wish id been instead
whiuch is basically an embarrassing scene of pushing and shoving
T is for the 21 man brawl
he himself is more in danger of getting one for that
by a player whos been awarded a free kick
okay the S, the S is the suggestion that i should show a card to an opponent
sorry i got all that wrong the S again
to a player whos just been awarded a free kick
S is for the suggestion that i should have awarded a card of some sort
a difficult skill which the pundits never seem to appreciate
R is for running backwards
i usually choose the word 'pleat'
with some of the more fiery participants
Q is the quiet word i sometimes need to have
great drama and no pressure on me
The P is for the penalty shootout
which many forwards tell me they simply could not have been
The O is for offside
an afternoon with your wife mate
asks me what else i got for christmas besides my whistle
The N, the N is for the numbskull who during the boxing day game
surely a bit of controversy is part of the games appeal
M is for the mistakes we sometimes make
to see how odious some people are
L is for lip reading, at which you dont need to be an expert
how ridiculous that looks 6 months later when theyre at another club
K is for the kissing of the badge
and some of the narky blerts ive encountered
J is for ju-jitsu, which i quite intend to display given a dark alley
after theyve just scythed down that tricky winger
I is for innocence, pleaded by many a doe-eyed defender
if only people would study the rules more
which has to be intentional and very rarely is
H is for handball
and reckoned he should have had a throw in
The G is for the gnarled face of someone whos on £90,000 a week
F is the farce into which most games would descend if we werent there
and its obvious to everyone that he deserved it
after I've booked the home teams player
E is for the eery silence that echoes around the ground
against their particular team
who seem to think we have a conspiracy
D is for the dunderheads
get back in your technical area!
C is for the continual criticism i recieve from the touchline
after a decision has not gone their way
which a lot of managers cry like
B is for babies
thinking theyre somehow going to make me change my mind
which many players seem to question,
The A is for my authority
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| TThe RReferees AAlphabet |
| he eferees lphabet |
| hTe eRferees lAphabet |
| fhe deferees zlphabet |
| fThe dReferees zAlphabet |
| Tfhe Rdeferees Azlphabet |
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| 5he 4eferees qlphabet |
| 5The 4Referees qAlphabet |
| T5he R4eferees Aqlphabet |
| hhe geferees slphabet |
| hThe gReferees sAlphabet |
| Thhe Rgeferees Aslphabet |
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| yhe teferees wlphabet |
| yThe tReferees wAlphabet |
| Tyhe Rteferees Awlphabet |
| 6he 5eferees xlphabet |
| 6The 5Referees xAlphabet |
| T6he R5eferees Axlphabet |
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| ghe feferees Allphabet |
| gThe fReferees Aphabet |
| Tghe Rfeferees Aplhabet |
| rhe eeferees Akphabet |
| rThe eReferees Aklphabet |
| Trhe Reeferees Alkphabet |
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| Aophabet |
| Te Rferees Aolphabet |
| Teh Rfeerees Alophabet |
| Tje Rsferees Apphabet |
| Tjhe Rseferees Aplphabet |
| Thje Resferees Alpphabet |
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| Tue R3ferees |
| Tuhe R3eferees Alhabet |
| Thue Re3ferees Alhpabet |
| Tne Rfferees Al0habet |
| Tnhe Al0phabet |
| Thne Refferees Alp0habet |
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| Tbe Rrferees Allhabet |
| Tbhe Rreferees |
| Thbe Rerferees Alplhabet |
| Tge R4ferees Alohabet |
| Thge Re4ferees Alpohabet |
| Tye Rdferees Alphhabet |
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| Alpabet |
| Thye Redferees Alpahbet |
| Thee Rwferees Alpjabet |
| Th Rweferees Alpjhabet |
| The Rewferees Alphjabet |
| Ths Alpuabet |
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| Thse Reerees Alpuhabet |
| Thes Reefrees Alphuabet |
| Th3 Recerees Alpnabet |
| Th3e Recferees Alpnhabet |
| The3 Refcerees Alphnabet |
| Thf Rererees Alpbabet |
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| Thfe Alpbhabet |
| Thef Refrerees Alphbabet |
| Thr Regerees Alpgabet |
| Thre Regferees Alpghabet |
| Ther Refgerees Alphgabet |
| Th4 Reterees Alpyabet |
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| Th4e Retferees Alpyhabet |
| The4 Refterees Alphyabet |
| Thd Reverees Alphaabet |
| Thde Revferees Alphbet |
| Thed Refverees Alphbaet |
| Thw Rederees Alphzbet |
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| Thwe Alphzabet |
| Thew Refderees Alphazbet |
| Refeerees Alphqbet |
| Refrees Alphqabet |
| Refreees Alphaqbet |
| Refsrees Alphsbet |
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| Refserees Alphsabet |
| Refesrees Alphasbet |
| Ref3rees Alphwbet |
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