Half Man Half Biscuit
180426273.gif

There was one in the gang
who had scalectrix
and because of that
he thought he was better than you
every day after school
youd go around there to play him
hoping to compete for some kind championship
And it always took about 15 billion hours to set the track up
And even when you did, the thing never seemed to work

It was a dodgy transformer, again and again.
It was a dodgy transformer, again and again.
It was a dodgy transformer, again and again.
It was a dodgy transformer, that cost 3 pound 10.

So he sent his doting mother
up the stairs with the stepladder
to get the Subbuteo
out of the loft
it had all the accessories
required for that big-match atmosphere
the crowd and the dugout
the floodlights too
and you'd always get palmed off
with a headless center-forward
and a goal-keeper with no arms
and a face like his

and he'd managed to get hold of
a Dukla-Prague Away Kit
'cause his uncle owned a sport shop
and he'd kept it to one side
and after only five minutes
you'd be down to ten men
as hed sent off your right back
for taking the base from under his left-winger
come to half-time, you were losing, four-nil
each and every goal, a hotly disputed penalty
so you smash up the floodlights
and the game was abandoned
and the dog would bark
and you'd be banned from his house
and your travelling army
of synthetic supporters
would be taken away from you
and thrown in the bin.

and now he's working
in a job with a future
he hands me my Giro
every two weeks.
and me, I'm on the lookout
for a proper transformer


Mirror lyrics:

for a proper transformer
and me, I'm on the lookout
every two weeks.
he hands me my Giro
in a job with a future
and now he's working

and thrown in the bin.
would be taken away from you
of synthetic supporters
and your travelling army
and you'd be banned from his house
and the dog would bark
and the game was abandoned
so you smash up the floodlights
each and every goal, a hotly disputed penalty
come to half-time, you were losing, four-nil
for taking the base from under his left-winger
as hed sent off your right back
you'd be down to ten men
and after only five minutes
and he'd kept it to one side
'cause his uncle owned a sport shop
a Dukla-Prague Away Kit
and he'd managed to get hold of

and a face like his
and a goal-keeper with no arms
with a headless center-forward
and you'd always get palmed off
the floodlights too
the crowd and the dugout
required for that big-match atmosphere
it had all the accessories
out of the loft
to get the Subbuteo
up the stairs with the stepladder
So he sent his doting mother

It was a dodgy transformer, that cost 3 pound 10.
It was a dodgy transformer, again and again.
It was a dodgy transformer, again and again.
It was a dodgy transformer, again and again.

And even when you did, the thing never seemed to work
And it always took about 15 billion hours to set the track up
hoping to compete for some kind championship
youd go around there to play him
every day after school
he thought he was better than you
and because of that
who had scalectrix
There was one in the gang


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