Bing Crosby
The Waiter And The Porter And The Upstairs Maid (w...

(BC)
As your genial host may I offer a toast
To the wine buying guest on my right
(Hooray for the wine buyer)
(Spoken)
Yes drag out the cooking sherry for the old colonel
(Sung)
May his bank account grow heavy laden with dough
May he spend it in here every night
(Every night)
Seeing this night in its glory
You people so loyal, so true
Puts me in mind of a story

(MM)
Tell us about it, pray do-o-o-o-o-o.

(BC)
The people in the ballroom were stuffy and arty
So I began to get just a little bit frayed
I sneaked into the kitchen, I dug me a party
The waiter

(JT)
And the porter

(MM)
And the second storey maid.

(BC)
I peeked into the parlour to see what was a-hatchin'
In time to hear the hostess suggest a charade

(MM)
But who was in the pantry a-laughin' an' scratchin'

(BC)
Oh.The waiter

(JT)
And the porter

(MM)
And the upstairs maid

(JT)
When they heard the music that the orchestra played

(MM)
The waiter and the porter grabbed a-hold of the maid

(BC)
Then they all proceeded to go into a clog

(All)
Hot diggedy dog.

(BC)
If ever I'm invited to some fuddy-duddy's
I ain't-a-gonna watch any harlequinade

(JT)
You'll find him in the kitchen applaudin' his buddies

(BC)
The waiter

(JT)
And the porter

(MM)
And the upstairs maid

(BC)
Well pardon me folks the roast is carved
The wine is served, why you look half starved

(JT)
Pardon me sir, may we be free

(JT & MM)
The kitchen guard is havin' a jamboree

(Orchestral break)

(MM)
I went and got a dish pan to use as a cymbal

(BC)
The porter found the regular glass that he played

(JT)
The fingers of the waiter were each in a thimble

(ALL)
You should-a heard the music that the combination made


(MM)
I went and got a dishpan to use a cymbal

(BC)
the porter found the regular glass that he played

(JT)
the fingers of the waiter were each in a thimble,

(MM & JT)
you should of heard the music that the combination made


(BC & MM)
Marchin' through the kitchen to the pantry and back
Why, man, you should-a seen us, we were ballin' the jack
Once a half an hour passed without any call

(JT)
Jack we had a ball

(MM)
The waltzes and mazurkas we hate ‘em, we spurn ‘em

(JT)
We got a lot of rhythms we wanna hear played

(BC)
Yes and we know who to go to when we want to learn ‘em

(All)
The waiter and the porter and the upstairs maid




Mirror lyrics:



The waiter and the porter and the upstairs maid
(All)

Yes and we know who to go to when we want to learn ‘em
(BC)

We got a lot of rhythms we wanna hear played
(JT)

The waltzes and mazurkas we hate ‘em, we spurn ‘em
(MM)

Jack we had a ball
(JT)

Once a half an hour passed without any call
Why, man, you should-a seen us, we were ballin' the jack
Marchin' through the kitchen to the pantry and back
(BC & MM)


you should of heard the music that the combination made
(MM & JT)

the fingers of the waiter were each in a thimble,
(JT)

the porter found the regular glass that he played
(BC)

I went and got a dishpan to use a cymbal
(MM)


You should-a heard the music that the combination made
(ALL)

The fingers of the waiter were each in a thimble
(JT)

The porter found the regular glass that he played
(BC)

I went and got a dish pan to use as a cymbal
(MM)

(Orchestral break)

The kitchen guard is havin' a jamboree
(JT & MM)

Pardon me sir, may we be free
(JT)

The wine is served, why you look half starved
Well pardon me folks the roast is carved
(BC)

And the upstairs maid
(MM)

And the porter
(JT)

The waiter
(BC)

You'll find him in the kitchen applaudin' his buddies
(JT)

I ain't-a-gonna watch any harlequinade
If ever I'm invited to some fuddy-duddy's
(BC)

Hot diggedy dog.
(All)

Then they all proceeded to go into a clog
(BC)

The waiter and the porter grabbed a-hold of the maid
(MM)

When they heard the music that the orchestra played
(JT)

And the upstairs maid
(MM)

And the porter
(JT)

Oh.The waiter
(BC)

But who was in the pantry a-laughin' an' scratchin'
(MM)

In time to hear the hostess suggest a charade
I peeked into the parlour to see what was a-hatchin'
(BC)

And the second storey maid.
(MM)

And the porter
(JT)

The waiter
I sneaked into the kitchen, I dug me a party
So I began to get just a little bit frayed
The people in the ballroom were stuffy and arty
(BC)

Tell us about it, pray do-o-o-o-o-o.
(MM)

Puts me in mind of a story
You people so loyal, so true
Seeing this night in its glory
(Every night)
May he spend it in here every night
May his bank account grow heavy laden with dough
(Sung)
Yes drag out the cooking sherry for the old colonel
(Spoken)
(Hooray for the wine buyer)
To the wine buying guest on my right
As your genial host may I offer a toast
(BC)


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Tghe W2aiter Adn Tghe Po9rter Adn Tghe Ujpstairs Maqid (ws... rhe qaiter Amd rhe P0rter Amd rhe ypstairs Msid (2...
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Thbe Wawiter Andx Thbe Por4ter Andx Thbe Uptsairs Mai9d Tge Wxiter Ane Tge Pogter Ane Tge Upztairs Mald
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Tye Waiiter Anf Tye Potter Anf Tye Upwtairs Maod Water Anfd Potrter Anfd Upwstairs Maoid
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Thre Wakiter Thre Thre Upsairs Maixd Ther Waikter Ther Portfer Ther Upsatirs Maidx



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