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Bob- Okay, good day, this is our Christmas part of the album,
and you can play this at your Christmas parties, uh,
or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothing else to do.
Doug- Good day, eh?
In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part!
Bob- Oh, I guarantee ya, you'd be on.
Okay, so, good day, this is the Christmas part, and,
we're gonna tell you what to get, uh, your true love for Christmas.
Doug- Look out the window!
Bob- Where?! Whadda ya doing?
Doug- Snow, hosehead.
Bob- Wha? Oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing,
cause it's Christmas time.
Hey, hoser!
Doug- What?
Bob- Here's a quiz. Quiz for Doug.
Doug- Okay, I have my thinking touque on.
Bob- Yeah, right. What are the twelve days of Christmas?
Cause, figure it out, right. Christmas is when?
Doug- Uh, the 25th.
Bob- Right, and what's the 24th, Christmas Eve, right?
So, that's two. And then, what's after that?
Doug- Um... Uh, Wrestling Day.
Bob- No. Get out.
Doug- Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.
Bob- That's three. Then what's after that? Nothing.
Doug- New Year's.
Bob- Four. And what's...
Doug- New Year's Eve.
Bob- Five. Where do you get twelve?
Doug- Uh... There's two Saturdays and Sundays in there, that's four.
That's nine. And, three other days, which I believe are the mystery days.
(Music starts.)
Bob- Okay now. This is our Christmas song,
in case you don't know what to get somebody for Christmas.
Doug- There's lots of ideas in here, so, listen, and don't get stuck.
Bob- Okay.
Doug- By the way, that's me on the organ.
Bob- Aw, geez.
Doug- You start.
Bob- Okay. On the first day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me: a beer.
Doug- On the second day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me: two turtlenecks,
Bob- And a beer. (Okay...) On the third day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me: three French toast,
Doug- Two turtlenecks,
Bob- And a beer. (Okay...)
Doug- There should be more there, eh?
Bob- Where? On the... go.
Doug- Fourth day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me: four pounds of backbacon,
Bob- Three French toast,
Doug- Two turtlenecks,
Bob- And a beer.
Doug- In a tree. See, you need more.
Bob- Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: five golden touques!
Doug- Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob- Three French toast,
Doug- Two turtlenecks,
Bob- And a beer, what was it?
Together- In a tree!
Bob- Okay, on the sixth... go.
Doug- Of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six packs of two-four,
Bob & BG Singers- Five golden touques!
Doug- Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob- Three French toast,
Doug- Two turtlenecks,
Bob- And a beer,
Together- In a tree!
Bob- Okay.
Doug- Okay.
Bob- On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me: seven packs of smokes,
Doug- (Nice gift...) Oh, six packs of two-four!
(BG Singers also sing "nice gift".)
Bob & BG Singers- Five golden touques!
Doug- Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob- Three French toast,
Doug- Two turtlenecks,
Bob- And a beer,
Together- In a tree!
Bob- Right, I keep forgetting.
Doug- Phew! This should just be the two days of Christmas,
it's too hard for us!
Bob- Um...
Doug- Go, hoser.
Bob- Oh.
Together- Eigth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Doug- Eight comic books,
All- Seven packs of smokes, six packs of two-four,
(Bob and Doug become unsynchronized with the BG Singers, and quit singing.)
BG Singers- Five golden touques!
Four pounds of backbacon,
three French toast,
two turtlenecks,
All- And a beer,
Doug- On my tree!
Bob- Yeah. That beer's empty. Okay. Day,
BG Singers- Twelve!
Bob- Uh, twelve.
Doug- Good day, and welcome to day twelve.
BG Singers- Five golden touques!
All- Four pounds of backbacon,
three French toast,
two turtlenecks,
and a beer, in a tree!
Bob- Beauty, eh?
Doug- Where'd you learn to do that?
Bob- Uh, albums.
Doug- Boy. So, like, that's our song, Merry Christmas...
Bob- Merry Christmas!
Doug- And good day!
Bob- Good day, everybody. Happy New Year, too.
Sheesh. Okay, you know what you left out?
Doug- What?
Bob- Donuts - I told you to get me donuts!
Either on the ninth day or the tenth day,
or the eleventh day, I wanted donuts!
Doug- Okay, the song's over.
Bob- But I want...
Doug- Merry Christmas, everybody!
Bob- Or on the twelfth day, you coulda got me a dozen donuts.
Doug- So, go out to the stores, and get some presents.
Bob- You coulda gone down to, like, the good donut shop,
where if you buy a dozen, you get another one free,
and then thirteen for the thirteen days of Christmas.
Doug- Well, next Christmas, I'll get me a chainsaw...
Bob- Take off!
Doug- Boy, that song was a beauty. It moved me...
Bob- Yeah, I think it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven...
Doug- Wha-?
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Doug- Wha-?
Bob- Yeah, I think it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven...
Doug- Boy, that song was a beauty. It moved me...
Bob- Take off!
Doug- Well, next Christmas, I'll get me a chainsaw...
and then thirteen for the thirteen days of Christmas.
where if you buy a dozen, you get another one free,
Bob- You coulda gone down to, like, the good donut shop,
Doug- So, go out to the stores, and get some presents.
Bob- Or on the twelfth day, you coulda got me a dozen donuts.
Doug- Merry Christmas, everybody!
Bob- But I want...
Doug- Okay, the song's over.
or the eleventh day, I wanted donuts!
Either on the ninth day or the tenth day,
Bob- Donuts - I told you to get me donuts!
Doug- What?
Sheesh. Okay, you know what you left out?
Bob- Good day, everybody. Happy New Year, too.
Doug- And good day!
Bob- Merry Christmas!
Doug- Boy. So, like, that's our song, Merry Christmas...
Bob- Uh, albums.
Doug- Where'd you learn to do that?
Bob- Beauty, eh?
and a beer, in a tree!
two turtlenecks,
three French toast,
All- Four pounds of backbacon,
BG Singers- Five golden touques!
Doug- Good day, and welcome to day twelve.
Bob- Uh, twelve.
BG Singers- Twelve!
Bob- Yeah. That beer's empty. Okay. Day,
Doug- On my tree!
All- And a beer,
two turtlenecks,
three French toast,
Four pounds of backbacon,
BG Singers- Five golden touques!
(Bob and Doug become unsynchronized with the BG Singers, and quit singing.)
All- Seven packs of smokes, six packs of two-four,
Doug- Eight comic books,
Together- Eigth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Bob- Oh.
Doug- Go, hoser.
Bob- Um...
it's too hard for us!
Doug- Phew! This should just be the two days of Christmas,
Bob- Right, I keep forgetting.
Together- In a tree!
Bob- And a beer,
Doug- Two turtlenecks,
Bob- Three French toast,
Doug- Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob & BG Singers- Five golden touques!
(BG Singers also sing "nice gift".)
Doug- (Nice gift...) Oh, six packs of two-four!
my true love gave to me: seven packs of smokes,
Bob- On the seventh day of Christmas,
Doug- Okay.
Bob- Okay.
Together- In a tree!
Bob- And a beer,
Doug- Two turtlenecks,
Bob- Three French toast,
Doug- Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob & BG Singers- Five golden touques!
Doug- Of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six packs of two-four,
Bob- Okay, on the sixth... go.
Together- In a tree!
Bob- And a beer, what was it?
Doug- Two turtlenecks,
Bob- Three French toast,
Doug- Four pounds of backbacon,
Bob- Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: five golden touques!
Doug- In a tree. See, you need more.
Bob- And a beer.
Doug- Two turtlenecks,
Bob- Three French toast,
my true love gave to me: four pounds of backbacon,
Doug- Fourth day of Christmas,
Bob- Where? On the... go.
Doug- There should be more there, eh?
Bob- And a beer. (Okay...)
Doug- Two turtlenecks,
my true love gave to me: three French toast,
Bob- And a beer. (Okay...) On the third day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me: two turtlenecks,
Doug- On the second day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me: a beer.
Bob- Okay. On the first day of Christmas,
Doug- You start.
Bob- Aw, geez.
Doug- By the way, that's me on the organ.
Bob- Okay.
Doug- There's lots of ideas in here, so, listen, and don't get stuck.
in case you don't know what to get somebody for Christmas.
Bob- Okay now. This is our Christmas song,
(Music starts.)
That's nine. And, three other days, which I believe are the mystery days.
Doug- Uh... There's two Saturdays and Sundays in there, that's four.
Bob- Five. Where do you get twelve?
Doug- New Year's Eve.
Bob- Four. And what's...
Doug- New Year's.
Bob- That's three. Then what's after that? Nothing.
Doug- Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.
Bob- No. Get out.
Doug- Um... Uh, Wrestling Day.
So, that's two. And then, what's after that?
Bob- Right, and what's the 24th, Christmas Eve, right?
Doug- Uh, the 25th.
Cause, figure it out, right. Christmas is when?
Bob- Yeah, right. What are the twelve days of Christmas?
Doug- Okay, I have my thinking touque on.
Bob- Here's a quiz. Quiz for Doug.
Doug- What?
Hey, hoser!
cause it's Christmas time.
Bob- Wha? Oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing,
Doug- Snow, hosehead.
Bob- Where?! Whadda ya doing?
Doug- Look out the window!
we're gonna tell you what to get, uh, your true love for Christmas.
Okay, so, good day, this is the Christmas part, and,
Bob- Oh, I guarantee ya, you'd be on.
In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part!
Doug- Good day, eh?
or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if there's nothing else to do.
and you can play this at your Christmas parties, uh,
Bob- Okay, good day, this is our Christmas part of the album,
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