Andrew Lloyd Webber
Poor Fool

COUNTESS (CARLOTTA)
Poor fool, he makes me laugh!
Ha ha Ha ha Ha ! (Ect.)

Time I tried to get a better, better~half !

COUNTESS AND CHORUS
Poor fool, he doesn't know!
Ho ho Ho ho Ho! (etc.)
If he knew the truth, he'd never, ever~go!

(Suddenly from nowhere, we hear the voice of the PHANTOM)

PHANTOM'S VOICE
Did I not instruct that Box Five was to be kept empty?

MEG (terrified)
He's here: the Phantom of the Opera . . .

CHRISTINE
It's him . . . I know it . . . it's him . . .

CARLOTTA
Your part is silent, little toad!

(But the PHANTOM has heard her)

PHANTOM'S VOICE
A toad, madame? Perhaps it is you who are the toad . . .

CARLOTTA (As the COUNTESS)
Serafimo, away with this pretence!
You cannot speak, but kiss me in my *croak*!

(Instead of singing she emits a great croak like a toad. A
stunned silence. The PHANTOM is laughing -
quietly at first, then more and more hysterically)

CARLOTTA (as the COUNTESS)
Poor fool, he makes me laugh -
Hahahahaha!
Croak, croak, croak,
croak, croak, croak, etc.

(As before. The PHANTOM'S laughter rises. The
croaking continues as the chandelier's lights blink on
and off. The PHANTOM'S laughter, by this time
overpowering, now crescendos into a great cry):

PHANTOM'S VOICE
Behold! She is singing to bring down the chandelier!

(CARLOTTA looks tearfully up at the MANAGERS ' box
and shakes her head)

CARLOTTA
Non posso piu . . .
I cannot . . . I cannot go on . . .

FIRMIN
Ladies and gentlemen, the performance will
continue in ten minutes' time . . .
(He addresses Box Five, keeping one eye on the
chandelier as it returns to normal)
. . . when the role of the Countess will be sung by Miss
Christine Daae.

ANDRE
In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, we shall be
giving you the ballet from Act Three of tonight's opera.
(to the CONDUCTOR)
Maestro - the ballet - now!

(The BALLET GlRLS enter as a sylvan glade
flies in. They begin the Dance of the Country Nymphs.
Upstage, behind the drop, a series of threatening
shadows of the PHANTOM. MEG is aware of them and
dances out of step. When this culminates in one
gigantic, oppressive, bat-like shadow, the garotted body
of JOSEPH BUQUET falls onto the stage, causing the
sylvan glade to fly out. Pandemonium.)

***A LARGE SHRILL SCREAM ENSUES***

CHRISTINE (calling for help)
Raoul! Raoul!

RAOUL
Christine, come with me . . .

CHRISTINE
No. . . to the roof. We'll be safe there.

FIRMIN (Attempting to placate the audience)
Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats. Do
not panic. It was an accident . . . simply an accident .



Mirror lyrics:


not panic. It was an accident . . . simply an accident .
Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats. Do
FIRMIN (Attempting to placate the audience)

No. . . to the roof. We'll be safe there.
CHRISTINE

Christine, come with me . . .
RAOUL

Raoul! Raoul!
CHRISTINE (calling for help)

***A LARGE SHRILL SCREAM ENSUES***

sylvan glade to fly out. Pandemonium.)
of JOSEPH BUQUET falls onto the stage, causing the
gigantic, oppressive, bat-like shadow, the garotted body
dances out of step. When this culminates in one
shadows of the PHANTOM. MEG is aware of them and
Upstage, behind the drop, a series of threatening
flies in. They begin the Dance of the Country Nymphs.
(The BALLET GlRLS enter as a sylvan glade

Maestro - the ballet - now!
(to the CONDUCTOR)
giving you the ballet from Act Three of tonight's opera.
In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, we shall be
ANDRE

Christine Daae.
. . . when the role of the Countess will be sung by Miss
chandelier as it returns to normal)
(He addresses Box Five, keeping one eye on the
continue in ten minutes' time . . .
Ladies and gentlemen, the performance will
FIRMIN

I cannot . . . I cannot go on . . .
Non posso piu . . .
CARLOTTA

and shakes her head)
(CARLOTTA looks tearfully up at the MANAGERS ' box

Behold! She is singing to bring down the chandelier!
PHANTOM'S VOICE

overpowering, now crescendos into a great cry):
and off. The PHANTOM'S laughter, by this time
croaking continues as the chandelier's lights blink on
(As before. The PHANTOM'S laughter rises. The

croak, croak, croak, etc.
Croak, croak, croak,
Hahahahaha!
Poor fool, he makes me laugh -
CARLOTTA (as the COUNTESS)

quietly at first, then more and more hysterically)
stunned silence. The PHANTOM is laughing -
(Instead of singing she emits a great croak like a toad. A

You cannot speak, but kiss me in my *croak*!
Serafimo, away with this pretence!
CARLOTTA (As the COUNTESS)

A toad, madame? Perhaps it is you who are the toad . . .
PHANTOM'S VOICE

(But the PHANTOM has heard her)

Your part is silent, little toad!
CARLOTTA

It's him . . . I know it . . . it's him . . .
CHRISTINE

He's here: the Phantom of the Opera . . .
MEG (terrified)

Did I not instruct that Box Five was to be kept empty?
PHANTOM'S VOICE

(Suddenly from nowhere, we hear the voice of the PHANTOM)

If he knew the truth, he'd never, ever~go!
Ho ho Ho ho Ho! (etc.)
Poor fool, he doesn't know!
COUNTESS AND CHORUS

Time I tried to get a better, better~half !

Ha ha Ha ha Ha ! (Ect.)
Poor fool, he makes me laugh!
COUNTESS (CARLOTTA)


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